Witnessing the plethora of four wheelers, seeing the hugest smiles, hearing that simple, joyful laughter once again, smelling certain smells that I would not know how to describe if I was asked, once again seeing dried fish hanging from the sides of houses and seeing the many trails of mud I found myself walking along, all took me on a journey back in time to the days of my childhood.
Although I have never been to this particular village in my life, being there this week was in a way like being home. Having spent the early years of my childhood living in a village, those same old village smells, sights and sounds flooded my mind with memories. As I thought back to my life growing up in the village, I remember it as being so simple and innocent. I was simply a girl who enjoyed riding bicycles around town and creating simple games to keep myself and other children entertained. I was content in a world that was simple with out the chaos that cities and technology bring. This week I looked back at that world I once lived in and found that my eyes were then too young to see the complexity and the not so innocent parts of that world, the world that I still to this moment look back on with fondness.
I now look at that world through eyes which have aged about 15 years. I see a world that is far from innocent and simple. While there are a vast amount of sights and sounds that have remained the same in my eyes, I now see deeper. I see what happens to children who have had hurtful things spoken and done to them. I see pain. I hear and see anger. I see broken relationships between family members. I see great sadness. I see fear. I see the complexity of hundreds of little words and actions that have been built into a life to construct a world that in the eyes of that person is no longer worth living. I hear words that are in reality masks hiding what is deep within. No. It is not an innocent world nor is it simple. Why was I blessed to live in that world and enjoy its simplicity while missing out on its heart wrenching facets?
How can your heart not break when you encounter things such as these? What must it be like to be God and experience that same heart break, but at a greater level due to the fact that your love is greater than all of mankind's? Why was I of all people chosen to represent Him to that broken world? I am so unworthy to be His hands and feet to a world that has fallen apart in so many ways. I fall so short of being the hands and feet of Jesus in a way that broken people need. Yet, I believe I have been placed here for just such a task and as my world becomes more and more complex, the beautiful thing is that His grace and salvation becomes more and more simple.
Is is night time in your life right now? Is the darkness thick? Do you feel that you will never again see the light of morning? Maybe God promised you the morning but it seems like that was decades ago. Has He forgotten? Never. God is a God of Life, Resurrection and Light. He will eventually bring the morning sunshine.
